i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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