I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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