He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize