I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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