Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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