so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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