so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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