He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
