we're blogging at a bar
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
