Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
