I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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