your room smells of hookers.
And success
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
My butt remains clenched, sir.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
