counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
