would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
