I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
