between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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