Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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