My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize