Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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