you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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