i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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