I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
