I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
