I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
