i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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