Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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