Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize