well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize