I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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