Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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