I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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