she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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