Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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