im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
it glows. i had to have it.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
where are my eyebrows?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize