Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
