she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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