I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
