and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
