So drunk, too bad you don't want this
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
