i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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