He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
