I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize