u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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