No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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