giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
