one word: firstdatebathroomanal
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
