: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
