put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I'm eating all of the evidence.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
