It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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