PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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