Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He did a backflip because drugs
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
