I'm gonna have a badass scar
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
he just fucked me for my cheese..
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
