i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
