i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I've blown a few things in my day
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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