So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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