apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
