Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
