gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
