her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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