Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
