I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I cut my penus on the lid.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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