I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize