Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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