But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
