smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
