So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
