we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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