we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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