just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
