Well apparently he's into motor boating.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I am naked and annoyed.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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