I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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